The rise and fall of oat milk: Has the trendiest dairy alternative finally fallen from grace?

“Oh God – not another milk I’m not allowed to drink!” A friend uttered these exasperated words earlier this week, followed by the deepest of sighs.

She, like so many people trying to do the “right thing” only to come up short, is exhausted.

She was responding to a viral video that’s probably the best takedown of oat milk to grace the internet. Others have tried; all have failed.

But actor Drea Valls’s video, “Cow’s milk when she hears you’ve quit oat,” in which she anthropomorphises the former as a spurned woman, has confirmed what some had already seen coming: the inevitable fall from grace of the trendiest dairy alternative on the block.

“Well, well, well,” Valls says, like an EastEnders villainess complete with fur coat and fake cigarette. “Look who’s come crawling back… Had enough of her spiking your glucose, have you? I should have known what you were up to from the start, all them years ago. Stopped ordering me in your Costa; started ordering her instead.”

The inspired monologue, which has racked up more than 300,000 views on Instagram at the time of writing, contains the immortal lines: “So what’s changed, hmm? You sick of her being the toxic one now, yeah? She’s the one that’s bad for the environment. I feel sorry for her. Poor b***h.”